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From A Long Way from Tipperary: A Memoir by John Dominic Crossan.
Copyright (c) 2000 by John Dominic Crossan. Reprinted with permission of
HarperSanFrancisco, San Francisco, California.
Buy the book from Amazon.com and help support GraceOnline.
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In 1944 I turned ten and never again spent a full year at home. After that
it was boarding school, monastery, America. In questions during lectures
and interviews with journalists I am never asked about that boarding
school, but often about that monastery. That is a first mistake. And I am
seldom asked why I became a monk, but rather why I became a priest. That
is a second mistake. But that question comes up at some point in almost
every interview: Why did I become a priest? It is a question to me at
sixty-five about me at fifteen, but also a question from the American late
1990s about the Irish late 1940s. And quite often the question is prompted
by one or more of these three inquiries.
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Why did I become a priest? It is a question to me at sixty-five about
me at fifteen, but also a question from the American late 1990s about the
Irish late 1940s.
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Was I particularly pious as a boy? No, at least not in any sense of that
word I knew then or have come to recognize since. I did become an altar
boy at the early age of eight, but I recall that choice primarily in
response, as it were, to a series of dares. Could I learn by heart the
Mass responses in a Latin I did not then understand? Could I handle the
thurible at Benediction so that the priest got the incense on the hot coals
and I did not get the hot coals on him? Could I light the tall (very tall)
candles on the high (very high) altar by stretching the lit taper
one-handed above my head to connect with a wick I could not see, preferably
without setting any altar linens on fire in the process? It may have been
piety, but I thought of it as fun, as adventure, as seeing the inside of
something mysterious, and maybe even, at eight and after, as a sort of
instant adulthood.
Were my parents influential or even forceful about my becoming a priest?
Wasn't it an honor to have a priest in the family, especially for an Irish
mother? No doubt, but before I left for America, my father said, "Just
remember, if this doesn't work out, your home is here and you can always
come back home." By fifteen I had already lived away from home for four
years at boarding school, and my family accepted the independence earned by
that experience. I made up my own mind about the priesthood, and they
supported me with a respect I did not appreciate fully until nineteen years
later.
Were the priests who ran my boarding secondary school significant as
mentors or models for my decision? That question, posed by a Canadian
journalist with an Irish Catholic background, stopped me cold for a moment.
I realized, only at his question, that I had never, ever, considered
becoming a diocesan priest like my teachers at St. Eunan's College in
Letterkenny, County Donegal. I both admired and respected them as good
teachers and fair disciplinarians, but I never imagined myself like them
either as parish pastor or schoolteacher. It was somewhat of a shock to
realize, and only from that prompting question fifty years later, that
becoming their type of priest had never entered my mind for a moment. Yet
those were the priests I knew best over seven years from altar boy to
schoolboy.
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Monastic life meant challenge, foreign mission meant adventure, and God
clearly had the best game in town.
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Why I became a priest is actually the wrong question, although I only
realized that after I tried to answer it. What I wanted was to enter a
monastery and become a missionary, to become a monastic (priest) and a
missionary (priest). Monastery and mission were in the immediate
foreground, with ordination and priesthood as necessary and accepted
concomitants. The diocesan priesthood that I knew best from everyday
experience was never of any interest to me. Not piety but adventure was
what fired my imagination at fifteen years of age. If somebody had told me
that I was giving up my life to God, and I don't remember anyone ever doing
so, I would not have been impressed. If somebody had told me that I was
giving up my life for others, and I don't remember anyone ever doing so, I
would not have been impressed. What impressed me was that monastic life
meant challenge, that foreign mission meant adventure, and that God clearly
had the best game in town, the most exciting game around (still does fifty
years later, though the field has changed). That was what attracted me,
moth to flame.
It might be more seemly to invoke personal piety, spiritual commitment, or
religious dedication as driving forces in that long-ago teenage
determination. But my clearest recollection suggests none of those
emphases. The attraction was that of adventure, divine adventure to be
sure, but adventure first and foremost. The diocesan or parish priesthood
was not an option because that was never my idea of adventure. And,
already from long before, it was as the lure and challenge of adventure
that I had begun to see life itself.
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